How many of us walk by strangers and never exchange a smile? Or, how many of us complain more than we say, “thank you”? We often take these precious moments for granted. We think we have all the time in the world, but even 100 years of living is rather short in the grand scheme of things.
This week I lost my aunt, my mother’s younger sister. Over the past 6-7 years we got extremely close. She was basically another mother to me. We share jokes, made each other laugh, talked about handbags, fashion, and celebrities. She made me feel loved. I felt like I could trust her more than almost anyone else in my family. She always protected my husband, when people would bring up my ex-boyfriend. She would say, “Stop, don’t you dare!” She loved our son so much. She really loved me. Whenever I was struggling financially, she just knew without me ever saying a word. She would just hand me some money and say, “get Lucas a gift.” She was such a big blessing to our lives. She comforted us. She knew all the right words to say to make us laugh. She defended us.
She was so selfless. She was so resistant to trying any of my healthy foods. I wanted her to detox and cleanse her body so bad, but my efforts were not great enough. I felt as though I failed her. I didn’t push hard enough to get her to try holistic methods. I cannot take all the blame, nor should I. Life is about choices. We are in control more than we often realize. I cannot blame my aunt either. She had lost a lot of hope in fighting the cancer the second time around. She was less motivated. She couldn’t come to terms as to why it came back.
I love her. I always will. I wish I could have saved her, but in order to save others, it starts with me. I need to better myself in order to really make an impact on others. I love talking about health and motivation but I still have my own wounds to heal. I still haven’t addressed fully the biggest elephant in the room.. My father…
My own rejection, my mission links.. my self identity.. and the lies that surround my own mother’s life and death that people tried to sell to me… I am still grieving… I am still healing, but in the process I hope to help anyone else who is grieving too.. You are not alone. We are all the same. We feel, we cry, we hurt, we want to be loved and validated. I’ll be fine, so will you.. Just remember to appreciate all the little moments, the smiles, the laughter, the silly even crazy times (I love me some crazy times, lol). Embrace it. Feel it.
Rest in peace Tati.
Live fully, happy, and healthy!
Xoxo,
~Mary
